argh~!!!!

omg... i think i am goin bonkers le... recently happened a lot of things. lotsa bad things which makes me so sad n terrible.. feel like dying soon... all the energy like draining away from this cell... haiz...

recently ah ma go hos... for the 1st few days i go n visit her evryday until that v faithful day when i realised that she doesnt really appreciate me... and the rest... she only care abt that yi da li n family. totally pissed... and with ah ma.. but her!

hmm.. now she think she very big le... hmm...indeed big in size.. hmm... hope god dun punish me for saying all these nasty things... cos the terror they gave me is far beyond these... i cant stand it anymore le...! if possible, i rather she a stranger... i dun wanna her to be my relative!

hmm... my relatives around me create so much fear for me in life. i keep gettin the idea that ppl will grow old to be "blind" to nice ppl ard u, and that kids all have attitude problem... and for once in the past, i felt that i dun wanna have kids in future.. but that was past.. cos there are certainly gd kids ard, esp those that i'm gonna have haha...! hmm... so i doubt i will wanna to live with my in-laws though after seeing how mama suffer...

juz got a phone call! damn it... i HATE her!!! if only i can cursed her without getting punished, i'll!!! all the misery all trap inside me... cant stand!!!

how i wish i am a dumb.. cos i easily say wrong things... really... so now i talk lesser to frens le... dun dare to tok too much... cos i fear.. well in fact, i only talk to my heart frankly... cos it dun talk back n only i myself know wad happened... hmm... ya... after so many trips i no longer share my misery that much le... so no one see my sad side except those closer to me... maybe not all that are close to me... but i really appreciate my family's patience except sometimes, jeeda n xihui... jd acc me thru a lot be it gd or bad, though he made me sad n angry at times, i still appreciate it... xihui... is someone whom i dun always talk to a lot nowadays but knowing that she will be there to listen to my troubles make evryth better.... :)

hmmm.... argh! now blog oso dunno how to say wad happened... haiz.. think i need to go for speech barrier lesson... think this has become a barrier since... a few yrs back... maybe after i lost her... cos after that i dun really like to say my REAL problems since ppl who care will worry a lot... hmm... ya... but keepin it will make them more worry rite? hehe... no one will notice that i am hidin them cos i do it too perfectly le haha..

well well... still feel so tight! haha... anyway, i had a super bad dream last nite. i was crying so badly in the dream that i almost do it in life. but that woke me up haha... so terrible. dreamt that my guy gonna marry my fren, whom he dont willing tobut have too, and still with me.. that i have to ask for a breakup so that he can go marry her.! omg! the thing is so real that it make me feel so bad in the morning.. wad a way to start the day with! hmph*!

haiz..

long blog... i think... sob sob... pls, someone save me out of misery. may gd luck befall me... dun wanna much fortune. juz a better life... how i wish i juz live on a island with a few ppl... i wish i wish i wish...

wishful thinking....

argh~!!!!

omg... i think i am goin bonkers le... recently happened a lot of things. lotsa bad things which makes me so sad n terrible.. feel like dying soon... all the energy like draining away from this cell... haiz...

recently ah ma go hos... for the 1st few days i go n visit her evryday until that v faithful day when i realised that she doesnt really appreciate me... and the rest... she only care abt that yi da li n family. totally pissed... and with ah ma.. but her!

hmm.. now she think she very big le... hmm...indeed big in size.. hmm... hope god dun punish me for saying all these nasty things... cos the terror they gave me is far beyond these... i cant stand it anymore le...! if possible, i rather she a stranger... i dun wanna her to be my relative!

hmm... my relatives around me create so much fear for me in life. i keep gettin the idea that ppl will grow old to be "blind" to nice ppl ard u, and that kids all have attitude problem... and for once in the past, i felt that i dun wanna have kids in future.. but that was past.. cos there are certainly gd kids ard, esp those that i'm gonna have haha...! hmm... so i doubt i will wanna to live with my in-laws though after seeing how mama suffer...

juz got a phone call! damn it... i HATE her!!! if only i can cursed her without getting punished, i'll!!! all the misery all trap inside me... cant stand!!!

how i wish i am a dumb.. cos i easily say wrong things... really... so now i talk lesser to frens le... dun dare to tok too much... cos i fear.. well in fact, i only talk to my heart frankly... cos it dun talk back n only i myself know wad happened... hmm... ya... after so many trips i no longer share my misery that much le... so no one see my sad side except those closer to me... maybe not all that are close to me... but i really appreciate my family's patience except sometimes, jeeda n xihui... jd acc me thru a lot be it gd or bad, though he made me sad n angry at times, i still appreciate it... xihui... is someone whom i dun always talk to a lot nowadays but knowing that she will be there to listen to my troubles make evryth better.... :)

hmmm.... argh! now blog oso dunno how to say wad happened... haiz.. think i need to go for speech barrier lesson... think this has become a barrier since... a few yrs back... maybe after i lost her... cos after that i dun really like to say my REAL problems since ppl who care will worry a lot... hmm... ya... but keepin it will make them more worry rite? hehe... no one will notice that i am hidin them cos i do it too perfectly le haha..

well well... still feel so tight! haha... anyway, i had a super bad dream last nite. i was crying so badly in the dream that i almost do it in life. but that woke me up haha... so terrible. dreamt that my guy gonna marry my fren, whom he dont willing tobut have too, and still with me.. that i have to ask for a breakup so that he can go marry her.! omg! the thing is so real that it make me feel so bad in the morning.. wad a way to start the day with! hmph*!

haiz..

long blog... i think... sob sob... pls, someone save me out of misery. may gd luck befall me... dun wanna much fortune. juz a better life... how i wish i juz live on a island with a few ppl... i wish i wish i wish...

wishful thinking....